Singleness: SUPER OKAY! {A Christian girl chimes in}

Earlier this week, I ran across this article about (not) dating. I LOVE IT. Shelly Wildman’s many truthful zingers truly strike a chord with me, and I wanted to share it for the singles reading this – as well as those supporting them! Singleness requires just as much support as marriage – it just looks different.

The Single Life: Think Differently.

Wildman writes about her daughters’ dating (or not) of late, and to “encourage you to think about dating in a slightly different way.” Between dispelling dating myths and encouraging the reader (especially mom, as the original website’s target audience) to support the singles in their lives, she challenges each of us to walk in a way worthy of the calling we have received.

I’d humbly expand that “target” audience to be anyone who knows a single.

While we live in the single slice of life – let me borrow a gem from Wildman: “If your daughter does not date right now, Jesus is not, nor will He ever be, your daughter’s boyfriend. … [That] diminishes His role as Savior, Redeemer, and King. [It] brings him down to our level, a place that He has never had nor should ever have. Jesus is so much more than a ‘boyfriend.'”

I encourage each and every reader of this post to keep Jesus in right perspective.  Yes, Isaiah 54:5 says, “For your Maker is your husband, the LORD of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called” (ESV). But this is not in any sort of human relationship as we know it. It can’t be, on so many levels. Pair Isaiah 54 with Matthew 6:9b: “Our Father in heaven…” Father. In heaven. “He is a Father, and therefore we may come to him with boldness, but a Father in heaven, and therefore we must come with reverence” (Matthew Henry’s commentary).

The Odds

“Never tell me the odds“, or “May the odds be ever in your favor“? I’ll go for Han Solo over Hunger Games, thanks.

I didn’t date in high school, or in college. And that was not entirely intentional/by choice. Blessedly, my parents (hi, Mom and Dad 🙂 ) raised me in a safe spot – one could say they exemplified Wildman’s post before it was written! – and I am grateful to them for that! (Same for my dear brother. Our lives are polar opposite in this regard … but I have not once felt inferior or gotten the sense that he thought I needed to “hurry up and get a move on”. And I may have choked up writing that.) I’m grateful for my family. 🙂 Can you tell?

But outside of that familial nucleus, I confess I feel like I must defend myself – even though not dating for me, now, is as much unintentional as it is intentional. I don’t spend (a great deal of) time thinking about it, until that one well-intentioned question or conversation topic comes up for the Nth time.

Isn’t it great how many folks married their high school sweethearts? One day, we’ll all find that special person.

Let me counteract that. Not all of us will find that special person. The odds are good that we will, but the odds also said I would marry in my 20s (or get a ring by spring from a university where women outnumbered men as much as 3 to 1). And yet here I am, 10+ years later, still single.

I’m okay with that.

And (but) I wish I could extend that okay-ness to those around me.

You see …

Singleness is not a failure at life.

If I don’t talk about my relational/marital status, it’s because I’m too busy living life and having fun to think about it. I would rather be encouraged in my singleness than encouraged toward marriage to make up for my singleness.

As Wildman writes, “Your daughter is not failing you, herself, or Jesus if she doesn’t date in high school or even in college.”

I would add that your daughter is not failing any of the above if she doesn’t date after college, either.

If she doesn’t have a social life, that’s one thing. If she has zero spiritual life, that’s even more of a “one thing.” But not dating? That’s SUPER OKAY.

A healthy social and spiritual life often ushers in the relationship we may or may not be looking for. But let me be clear: OFTEN. NOT ALWAYS. And for those of us who live in the “not always” slice of the pie chart … that’s SUPER OKAY too. For as long as that slice lasts in each of our lives, that’s SUPER OKAY.

Yes, it’s critical for me to capitalize SUPER OKAY every time I type it. 🙂

And that is what I would reiterate to the reader. Whether you marry or stay single – either option is SUPER OKAY. Keep God at the forefront of all you do – trust in Him with all your heart – and He will direct your paths (Proverbs 3:5-6). He must increase, but we must decrease (John 3:30) – and that process will be the best endeavor of our lives.